We all commit relationship sins every once in a while; even if we don’t admit it. Whether it’s being lazy or having an affair, we all give in sometimes. How we can avoid them is easy; the key is wanting to. Like the well-known seven deadly sins, relationship sins are part of our everyday love life and can be overcome.
Right, so you’ve been together for a few months and everything is going well. You’ve seen each other at your best (first date) and your worst (drunk/sick in bed); intimacy is no longer a problem and you’re comfortable enough to hang around the house in your pajamas all day long. OK, so maybe you’re a bit lazy and don’t get dressed up much when the two of you go out. Or maybe you’ll forget to brush your teeth sometimes; maybe you’ll even skip taking a shower when you know you’re just gonna stay home and watch a film. What’s so bad with being comfy?
Well I’ll tell you, the only thing worse than losing your own sex appeal is for your partner to lose interest in it too. Next time you go out (even better, stay in), why not take a shower, put your best perfume on, slip into a sexy outfit and blow some minds! Trust me; your metamorphosis won’t go unnoticed.
Ah, envy: an enemy of happy couples if ever there was one. The damned thing about envy is that’s it’s more like a disease that needs serious treatment, rather than an affection of choice.
When suspicious minds go too far, relationships can be pushed to a breaking point. If you are the jealous type and just can’t contain your resentment, might I point out that a disbelieving, jealous partner who starts fights all the time is the last thing anyone wants. Plus, having to defend yourself all the time, when you have done nothing wrong, is terribly unfair. If, however, a partner does give sound reason to think they may be cheating, then maybe the problem isn’t the jealous one after all.
The cliché goes like this: men, predators, like to hunt for their women; it gives them a sense of conquest. In modern times, it’s proven that dynamic women also like to hunt for their sexual partners – this sometimes scares them off or leaves them with a latent feeling of castration! Some men go so far as to degrade such women and characterize them in an awful way, just because they are sexually liberated – men acting in a similar way are often thought of (by other men) as ‘studs’ or ‘pros‘, as if women are nothing but objects to conquer.
Let me just clear this up once and for all: when single, enjoying a healthy, safe sexual life is not a sin – far from it. It’s when you’re in a relationship that lusting after others is a problem. First off, it’s disrespectful to your partner and their feelings. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or woman, an uncontrollable libido, sooner or later, will get you into trouble. So take a minute and check yourself before committing to something you’re not sure you can handle. It might be your heart that’s broken next time.
Mmmm…food is sure good. It keeps you nourished and fills you with all the energy you need to have an active and productive day. Aphrodisiacs are even better. They heighten your sexual experience and spice up your relationship. Perhaps the only time food will work against you is when you have eaten too much. A bloated stomach, indigestion, constipation, maybe even worse: vomit all over your bathroom floor. NOT a pretty scene, especially not one you want your partner to witness after a romantic dinner!
So, easy piece of advice: avoid spicy hot foods when on a date, don’t stuff yourself and make sure to always carry some floss in your handbag for that emergency piece of lettuce stuck between your teeth. In case of an imminent emergency, try sipping some carbonated water. My dad’s old trick was a shot of whiskey, but if all else fails, try your nearest pharmacy.
Each person is different, as is each relationship. And like every relationship, the odd fight will come along. There is a saying that says “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” – it doesn’t seem very accurate anymore, does it? Some people always need to have the last word, even if they’re wrong. Others are gifted with the patience, faith and logic to accept compromise.
Being stubborn and ignoring what your partner wants or says is not only arrogant and selfish; it’s also unfair and will end up starting a fight. The important thing is to try and meet halfway – compromise! When faced with conflict, remember: no one will respect your opinion if you blatantly disregard theirs.
There may be 24 hours in a day, but there are only so many things a single human can handle. For many people, time for one’s self is a luxury. Given the state of today’s society, most people have a lot on their plate at the moment: a job (or the unfortunate task of having to find one), meetings to attend, families to raise, mortgages and bills to pay, health issues, cars to be serviced, pets to take care of, friends to meet, etc. Sometimes, at the end of the day, all one wants is an early night, not nagging or disappointment.
Next time your partner asks for some alone time – to go to the gym, play the guitar, go out with friends, fix a bike – see it as an opportunity to do the same: put your records in alphabetical order, catch up on your writing, mend your favorite socks, take a long bath. It’ll refresh your moods and seeing each other will be a pleasure, and not feel like an obligation.
Some people are just born with a short fuse – I know I was. Being irritable and emotional, short-tempered, even if I don’t mean to, blowing my fuse is just part of who I am. However, being purposefully mean, aggressive or even physically dangerous to others is not normal, for anyone. Whatever it is that has aggravated you, chances are there’s much worse. Whoever it is that made you see red with rage, remember that anger (and heavy amounts of alcohol) will blind us and make us say things we would never normally say. Whatever it is, take a minute, count to 10, have a shot of whiskey; whatever it is you need to relax and think straight, keep calm and carry on.
So what relationship sins have you committed and why? Have you found ways to resist sinning temptation? Ask forgiveness for your relationship sins here and thou shall be forgiven!