Funny Relationship Quotes

funny relationship quotesSometimes we need to sit back and look at our relationships, no matter how easy or tough they are, in a different light. Add a bit of humor into the mix! After all, why should we always take things so seriously? Here’s some funny quotes on relationships that will hopefully bring a smile to your face, and give you a humorous look on the bright side of things. Enjoy!

I want a real relationship; not a Facebook one. – Anonymous

A lion wouldn’t cheat, but a tiger wood. – Anonymous

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey

People change and forget to tell each other. – Lillian Hellman

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends. – Harville Hendrix

Sometimes, we need a few people in our lives who will calmly call our bluff. – Dr. SunWolf

The basic discovery about any people is the discovery of the relationship between men and women. – Pearl S. Buck

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. – Sharon Stone

In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising? – Sarah Jessica Parker

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship. – Iris Murdoch

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. – Larry David

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. – Oscar Wilde

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. – Erich Segal

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. – Benjamin Franklin

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? – H. L. Mencken

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. – Groucho Marx

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. – Charles Schulz, “Peanuts”

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that. – Steve Martin

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. – Rita Rudner

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache. – Mae West

Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored. – George Sanders

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? – Rita Rudner

There are four stages in a marriage. First there’s the affair, then the marriage, then children and finally the fourth stage, without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce. – Norman Mailer

One’s first love is always perfect until one meets one’s second love. – Elizabeth Aston

You never really know a man until you have divorced him. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else. – Mae West

I love to shop after a bad relationship. … Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose. – Rita Rudner

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. – H. L. Mencken

Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery

God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls can flirt. – Anonymous

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. – Rose Franken

When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love. – Robert Fulghum

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. – Woody Allen

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. – Jules Renard

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question. – Lily Tomlin

Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems. – John Gray

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge. – Ronny Shakes

When I want to end a relationship I just say, ‘You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes they leave skid marks. – Rita Rudner

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it. – Cary Grant

You meet someone and you’re sure you were lovers in a past life. After two weeks with them, you realize why you haven’t kept in touch for the last two thousand years. – Al Cleathen

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin’ back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they’re gone. – Lenny Bruce

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends. – Bobby Kelton

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. – Emo Philips

I think a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. – Woody Allen

I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them. – Charles de Gaulle

The easiest kind of relationship for me is with 10,000 people. The hardest is with one. – Joan Baez

Babies are such a nice way to start people. – Don Herold

Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things. – Anonymous

Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. – Robert Fulghum

Sex is an emotion in motion. – Mae West

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