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Forbidden Love

Forbidden Love

Today we received a letter from Thant that wanted to share with Asdfing, his personal story.

Lets try to help him by giving him a lot of answers; it is a difficult situation to be in love with your friend’s girlfriend

At first I was thinking to start this letter with the following statement: “I am in love with my friend’s girlfriend.” Although that’s the point, it sounds very common; if I started that way, this wouldn’t be a confession; it would be unfair for her, for my friend and for me. All in all, if I just said that “I am in love with my friend’s girlfriend” who would believe that I am a guy that rates friendship very high?
However, that’s the truth. I think that friends are one the reasons life is worth living. As for the friend I am telling you about, I know him forever. We are best friends since the age of five. The only thing I can remember is 20 years full of fun, adventure, sadness, pain, support and great discussions. We used to play soccer together, we went at the same school, we used to study together to pass our exams, we went to college together; we found our previous jobs at the same time. And of course, when he wanted to introduce me his new girlfriend I had no reason to refuse. After all, every time any of us found a new flirt, he “desperately” needed the other one’s “approval”.
That’s how I met her. She and my buddy were having lunch in a local restaurant when they called me to join them. I wasn’t in a very good mood those days, however, when I first saw her it seemed like sun was shining again. I can swear that she is the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. I hadn’t realized that straight away. In our first discussion, all those things she was saying were like I could hear my thoughts in words.
The three of us used to hang out almost everyday. I was fascinated by her personality but that was it. One night, we were in a bar when my friend’s phone rung. They wanted him to go in his work. So, that was practically the first time we stayed alone; me and her. We finished our drinks, we took a long walk and we discussed. Nothing bothered me. I was amazingly happy after a long time. Till next morning.
As soon I was woke up the next morning all I could think about was her. And that feeling never left. At first I was smiling for no reason, I couldn’t wait to see her again but now it’s getting tiring. I started thinking that I might be in love with her but this love hurts me. So, here is the thing.
I know she is my soul mate or whatever they call it. There is connection between us; I can see it in her eyes. And I thing she might have feelings for me as well. We never talked about that, mostly because I didn’t want to bring it up.
As for my friend, we are like brothers. I can’t “steal” his girlfriend. I just feel guilty only because of the feeling I have for her. I know he likes her, but I am not sure they match perfectly. I can’t say for sure that she completes him as much as she completes me.
So, I have disappeared from their lives for a while. For a week or so, I am staying in my hometown and I don’t answer all their phone calls. I’ve told them that I am on vacation but the truth is that I am here to think of what I am going to do.
But all I can think so far is “Why did that happened to me? why I fell for the wrong girl? And, is there right and wrong when it comes to love?”
And I’d like to ask for your help. What I should do? Should I confess my love? Should I talk to her? Or, should I talk to my friend first? Or maybe shouldn’t I say anything and learn to live with that idea until I get over it?

Thant…

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Comments (27)

  1. Dexter Wednesday - 16 / 01 / 2008 Reply
    First of all Thant, I would like from you to know, that I have been there. I had exactly the same problem with you and it is exactly what you are saying... Forbidden Love! I made the big step once, and yes I told that girl how much I like her and that I am in love with her, of course my friend did not knew anything. She came with me...but after that all my friend abandon me and of course she abandon me one month later... I know it's not easy but if I were you I would not say anything at all... but if you think that your friend has just some fun with that girl, go and speak to him.. don't try to explain him... just tell him: I am in Love with your Girlfriend and it hurts me each time I see you together. Do not speak with the girl, it will complex everything... (excuse my English its not my primary language :) )
  2. alberto Friday - 18 / 01 / 2008 Reply
    i think that many people took part to all this shit cases make us cornered and rushed!
  3. Cherry Saturday - 19 / 01 / 2008 Reply
    Hey Thant, I don't think there is right time or wrong time to fall in love...It just happened. Although I have to ask you..Are you sure about your feelings? Cause if you are, I think you might need to talk with your friend and with the girl you are telling us about! That way, you will feel relieved. I know, you are afraid of risking your friendship, but since you feel that way, I think you may have to take the chance. Anyway, it's your call; If you want to share your decision, we are here for you!
  4. Candle Saturday - 16 / 02 / 2008 Reply
    Thant.....I don't know what to say, what advice to give, so I am going to wish you the best! I hope everything works out for the better!
  5. Alan Argyris Wednesday - 15 / 10 / 2008 Reply
    This is a tuff situation! You have to make a decision. First consider that you may be so into this chick that it appears she is giving you signals. Dont get me wrong she probably does like you but in a different way. Or you are completelly correct and she has some powerfull feelings for you. After you have convinced yourself either way weather she likes you as a friend or more than a friend you have to asses your relationship with your friend. If you profess your love to her she may not react the way you had hoped running back to your best friend and telling him of your tretory. This means you may end up with no lady and no best friend. My suggestion is to suck it up and be a friendor an answer you might like is be suttle with her and try to get her to make a move on you. GOOD LUCK!!!!
  6. Nolan Saturday - 22 / 11 / 2008 Reply
    Hey dude i was in the same situation exactly!! Here is what i did... I just told her. Then i told her i know this makes things weird but it really is a test. If you really like my friend then you will tell me you dont love me the way i do to you. and i will just get over it over time and be mature about it. If you feel the same way i do then I will wait till you decide to meet me half way. My friend is importstn to me and we are all close. So tell him how you feel and i am going to tell him and we can all just talk about it like adults and see if we can still be friends regardless of who is with who. Real friends love each other no matter what, and always want the best for each other. It's a hard thing to do to not pursue love but if it will make any one of us happy i will take one for the team. We are all still friends and they will be getting married soon. If i had be selfish they would both be out of my life. I leared that love makes you grow and matures you when you let it run it's course.
  7. hanami Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    fight for what you feel,.,..,.,., its never too late to tell someone how much u care and u love,.., coz when her gone then cant hear it anymore,..,.,,.,.
  8. hanami Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    add me cute_gallery@yahoo.com
  9. Mith Barnes Thursday - 26 / 03 / 2009 Reply
    Here's a girl's perspective: (just happened by) Tell her how you feel. Don't tell her like you are trying to sweep her of her feet, just tell her because you think she deserves to know. And, independently of that conversation, tell your friend, too. (Tell her you are planning to do this, and tell your friend you have told her as well.) Again, not like "Hey, I'm stealing your girl," but more "I have these feelings and I want to be honest because I don't want to hurt either of you." I recently told a married friend that I have been deeply attracted to him for a while, and that I felt I needed to be honest, but I didn't expect anything from him. He was deeply grateful, and we are closer friends than ever, having formed a bond of mutual respect and honesty. Above all, maintain your honesty with and respect for both of these people and one way or another you will all come through it with no one feeling uses or abused. Best of luck!
  10. kaye Saturday - 07 / 11 / 2009 Reply
    hey thant, i was in the situation of the girl but the involved parties are brothers. the younger brother pursued me, but i am inlove with the older brother. the older guy and i used to be friends but got separated because he moved to another country.i liked him for how many years but never had the guts to tell him. when i moved to that country after a decade me and his brother got closer until he fell for me... but i realized that it is still his older bro whom i like...so to cut the story short, i told both of them what i feel.i told the younger brother that it's his older bro whom i like... after a few months i told his older brother that i used to like him... right now, we are keeping things slowly... we like each other but we are kind of considerate about his younger brother's feelings... but the good thing is, i was honest so no one feels betrayed.
  11. Christine Sunday - 08 / 11 / 2009 Reply
    Forbidden Love is the most difficult feeling you can ever had ... In my opinion , you did the right thing , to be away from them for sometimes make it longer as mush as you can and try not to think about the issue by spending your time by doing anything useful , practicing anything you like , then test yourself and see if you still in love with her or not. From the other hand , i beleive that if the girl really likes you , she must have the courrage to break up with your friend as she won't be able to give him all the love he needs so she has to leave him as much earlier as she can as it is very difficult to give love to a person while you are thinking of another one , she will be depressed and feel that she is divided to 2 parts. In case she broke with your friend ... stand beside him and try to confort him saying that he won't be happy with her anymore as she stopped loving him. If the above Scenario took place and if you still in love with her .. don't ever start the relation unless you are sure 100% that you friend forgets her completely and ofcourse you must take his opinion before taking any step and inform him by everything , that you fell in love with her but refused the idea ONLY for his sake and see his reaction , if positive so go ahead and start the relation with your beloved, if negative , you have to forget the girl forever as your cloe friend is your real friend , don't lose him for a relation that may last for months...Good luck
  12. Adia Sunday - 17 / 01 / 2010 Reply
    i am completely in love with my friend's ex, i know it's not the same. But i still love this guy and haven't told him. However i told her and she was ok with it! it felt like half the rock had been lifted off my chest.
  13. prince Monday - 01 / 03 / 2010 Reply
    Well as of my experience it was really a hard one for me because of some Consequences of my act ,but this is actually me step'at first i really have to examined my emotion,my heart and my mind to be short "I must try to think of things about how I feel" for about 10x next is to think of the results and Consequences of each;but my main point here is for you to express what you feel about her and as well as her feelings for you coz it might just be a some type of infatuation ar maybe you and your bestfriend has the same type of ideal girl that results to this/there are no do's and don'ts in loving someone whats wrong is that when that someone has already his/her someone.just try to think of your act^_^and pray for it'
  14. shameless new series Wednesday - 10 / 03 / 2010 Reply
    Your webpage is very understanding, I very much enjoy reading your website, please countine writing posts, I am subcribe to your website
  15. Been There Wednesday - 17 / 03 / 2010 Reply
    Just tell her! If you think that it will make both of you happy then gooooo for it. You cant live your life worried about what other ppl will think. Im in love with my EXs best friend and im sooooo happy. Maybe you should wait until they have a huge fight and then keep it on th DL for a little while. It worked for me.
  16. TREE Wednesday - 14 / 04 / 2010 Reply
    I suggest you keep your feelings to yourself. First of all, its not up to you as his friend to interfere in his relationship. He trusted you enough to chill with him and his girl and you hanging to drool at your friend's girl. That got DRAMA!!! written all over it. Second, it would be very selfish of you to go after his girl. She's a good girl, obviously, and he found her, not you. Be happy for your friend and get your own. The test may be your loyalty to your friends?
  17. Secret Keeper Sunday - 16 / 05 / 2010 Reply
    I understand where your coming from. I was & still am attracted to my husbands best friend. Jokingly my husband always told me that that friend was the only one that I could ever be with. So one evening while visiting with his friend one thing lead to another. Afterwards I told my husband, he was mad. I now don't have any contact with his friend who I miss very much cause I consider him a good friend even before all of this. It become very strange between my husband & his friend for about a year, they are finally hanging out together again, but I am still a sore subject..
  18. Download Digsby Tuesday - 22 / 06 / 2010 Reply
    Thanks for revealing, I found this particular story while searching for infomation for my term paper, fascinating comments and great points made.
  19. Shalu Thursday - 01 / 07 / 2010 Reply
    Thant, I know what you are going through. I sympathise with your situation. I think you should tell her gradually; but it might be good to approach your friend first and find out of his real feelings for her. Then you can bring your feelings to "light." I am having a similar problem. I am married; my husband and I live separtately though, because we are now constructing our home; however, recently I started talking to one of his friends, a very good friend of his, and we became very close, so close that we "hit the sack." I have fallen in love with him and I even told him so! This friend is not married, but has a girlfriend overseas. Now I am in a situation, because I think of him all the time. I really do care for him, and at the same time I don't want to hurt my husband. I too don't know what to do!!!!!
    • since_8019 Sunday - 13 / 03 / 2011 Reply
      I think it is better to go ahead with your friend and marry him. What is the point in cheating your husband . He may get hurt for a while but he also needs someone who loves him truly rather than stuck with someone who loves someone else. It will be selfish on your part to think only of yourself . Let your husband go and find someone for himself. That ways both of you will be happy.No one likes getting cheated . It is a horrible feeling. Honesty will be the best policy here.
  20. lili30 Saturday - 07 / 08 / 2010 Reply
    I've been seeing this guy for about 3months, he told me that he loves me, we have sex about twice a month. He told me that his friend told him that I'm hot and beautiful that made him so pround. He keep telling me that what he has for me is more than sex or money, just be patient with him and his bz schedules then I'll be happy with him. He only text me once or twice a day or just one short call to say hi. But his so passionate when we make love and so into me so why he refuse to see me more often? Please help I'm so confuse.
    • Lovely Girl Tuesday - 16 / 11 / 2010 Reply
      Open your eyes, open your mind (as says the song): this guy doesn't love you. He just desires you, love is a noble feeling and is not based on sex at the first row!
  21. Michelle Monday - 29 / 11 / 2010 Reply
    Its actually really funny i read this because i have a simalar situation happening to me now. ive been in love with this boy for about four years now. during this time he has grown to be one of my best friends.ive learned to deal with it and weve been severly close since... eeek sucky part is one of my old best friends just came back into the picture after a break up and is now together with him. i watch them together every day and it tears me apart. besides the fact that we are no longer as close as we used to be.i couldnt ever bear to tell him i even like him nvm love him. its pretty hard but i dont want to make an ass out of myself and tell him the truth when i know he doesnt feel the same way. its forever a forbidden love. so what im saying to you is let them be happy even if it hurts you. if she likes you she will eventually let you know some way or another.
  22. Sharla Saturday - 18 / 12 / 2010 Reply
    I am so glad I found this site. I am in love with an old high school friend. It took me a year to admit it to myselF. I told him this past February via email. We had a meeting a few nights after that and we avoided eye contact for a while. When our eyes did meet his were so big and dialted. He stood or sat near me in every meeting after that. He touched my hand or back every chance he got. The problem is that we are both married to other people. And he will not talk to me. He stares and always manages to sit or be with me but he will not talk to me. It got to the point where I felt everyone could see my love for him on my face. So I resigned from the committe so I did not have to be around him. However, he is still in my heart. I wish he would just tell me thaT he does not love me. Then I would have closure. Why would he act like he want me but not say anything to me? If we talked it out to rationalize it, We could possibly still work together on the community project.
  23. Mannu Thursday - 27 / 01 / 2011 Reply
    look, i'm a girl. i personally believe that you shouldn't tell her. cause if you do you might trigger feelings which she might have been confused about earlier, which isn't what we want! i suggest that you stay away from them as a couple as much as possible. Hang out with you're bestfriend though, but while making sure that the girl isn't around. It's the best choice.. but it's for you to choose. Good Luck!
  24. Kera Sunday - 30 / 10 / 2011 Reply
    I know how it feels..I really do but here's sth that might help you please please read the book "Brida" written by Paulo Coelho it will help alot I promise please read it
  25. G. Phillips Tuesday - 28 / 05 / 2013 Reply
    I think you have done the best thing and that is seek out a support group of people that don't know you, and who would give you their honest opinion. I would not tell neither my friend or his girlfriend your feelings. I see you loosing both ways because your friend will see it as betrayal and his girl will see you as being phony. Those I call my friends I steer clear of their mates it is a boundary that friends know not to cross. Maybe you should date and perhaps find someone of your own to have these feelings for. I know men to be competitive by nature but stick to chess, racket ball, basketball....tennis whatever your sport is and leave girlfriends out of it.

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